Uncertainty, Mental Illness, Friendship

The people who understand me the most are those in as fragile a situation as I am. Those who've dealt with being misunderstood and judged for their minds not working as they once did. It is always a blessing to be understood but I never understood the risk of such connections. Because the bond formed... Continue Reading →

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Frustration & Hesitation

I hate that I am scared to ask for "professional" help when I am not doing well because I am pretty sure it'll end up with me forcefully committed. Because I know I am not doing well but I wouldn't say I need another stint in a ward. But...there's questions that I do have. Questions... Continue Reading →

Wavering Inspiration

So I have this thing where I start something with all the energy and focus in the world. And I am super pumped about it and dive headlong into it. And it's great and I'm happy and nothing can bring me down....except me. Because this energy just fizzles away and whatever I've started remains unfinished... Continue Reading →

Guilt & Inadequacy

Today is one of the days I just can't. A day where I am forced to choose between survival and acceptance from others. A day where I am unable to stop the tears because it feels as if my very soul is going through a shredder. A day where I wish I could say I... Continue Reading →

Learning to Love

So I've always found it easier to give to others than to take what I need. Easier to be kind to anyone but me. I've definitely given until I have had nothing left and found myself in a dangerous place because I hadn't the energy left for myself. I have sacrificed my safety to be... Continue Reading →

Rambling Thoughts

Today's one of those days where there's so much information whirling through my mind I can't filter out one thing to write about. I am actually dizzy with the swirling going on and it's quite annoying to not be able to pick out and follow a single train of thought. It's as if everything must... Continue Reading →

Nightmare Reality

I somehow managed to convince myself that I'd be okay..that despite all the stress this year I can handle myself. That everything was fine and I don't need help. That my mind was finally settled after all these years and that all that'll bother me is the mood aspect of my illness. I somehow managed... Continue Reading →

Discovering Belief in Self

It's hard to feel good about one's efforts when everything and everyone around you seems to be telling you that you're best is not enough. When the world seems to be about how we compare to a certain standard. There is this image of success that is apparently the only way we can live. And... Continue Reading →

Tired…

Another night spending hours awake while the world around me sleeps. Another day spent exhausted because I haven't slept enough. Another week with this sleep debt just piling on. ©End Your Sleep Deprivation I know this lack of sleep doesn't help ease my levels of psychosis, but it isn't like I don't want to sleep!... Continue Reading →

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