Chasing Them Zzzs

I feel like this is me every night. It's like running an experiment where conditions have to be noted with great accuracy. Every night as I fall asleep I calculate the minimum and maximum time I could possible sleep. To me, sleeping feels like a job or a class. It is not the fun thing... Continue Reading →


The Dreaded “S” Word

  As a kid I loved Tigger. I especially loved singing how "the most wonderful thing about Tiggers is I'm the only one". I embraced that anthem and embraced the fact that I was one of a kind. I reveled in it and it brought comfort to me because even though I wasn't like others,... Continue Reading →

Determining Intention

Today I've been lost in thought about my life. For a while now, my mantra has been to take life a day at a time and this has served well in my fight against the monsters that are invisible to everyone else. This moment-to-moment living has kept me alive when the thought of the future... Continue Reading →

Importance of an Advocate

I underestimated the power my inability to stand up for myself has on my recovery. I recognize now that having someone tell me my feelings are validated in certain situations has helped me learn to process my emotions. Part of the issue is that internal angst exacerbates my psychosis symptoms and so because I do not... Continue Reading →

Uncovered Truths

Yesterday I watched "People Say I'm Crazy". It's a documentary style film by John Cadigan about his experience with schizophrenia. It was VERY hard to watch because I found myself relating to almost everything he spoke about and showed. It was hard because there were some things I'd never admitted out loud to anyone. It... Continue Reading →

Dependence vs. Support

I depend on a lot of things in my life and am also supported by other things. The two words can mean the same thing but I am learning that their implications for me are crucial to my 'survival'. It is one thing for me to be supported by my meds but another for me... Continue Reading →

The Fog Is Rolling In

Stress is not good for anyone. It is also known that stress is really not good for a person dealing with a mental illness. For me stress makes fighting the psychosis harder. It is like stress fuels the paranoia and delusions and simultaneously weakens my rational brain, the part of me with a hold on... Continue Reading →

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