Stormy Life

A big part of being able to "move forward" from letting life happen to living life and engaging despite my disorder has been accepting the up and down nature of my existence. By this I mean that there's things I must accept will fluctuate unpredictability. Be it my cognitive state, mood, outlook on life, emotions,... Continue Reading →

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A Different Angle = A New View

So glad May is over! It was a lot of extremes but the last week was super sucky and only just feel like I'm finding my balance again after a week of being in 'recovery mode'. It's amazing the things one can accomplish when they find themselves in an emergency! Equally amazing how the fall... Continue Reading →

Honest About Struggling

I am struggling to forgive myself for the things I do when I am not myself. When I am in a crisis. When the irrational paranoia takes over and what makes sense is really not right. I don't know how to make peace with things I do when I'm more psychotic than not. Decisions I... Continue Reading →

Gauging My Mental State

Over the past years I have realized the importance of being able to measure my mind. What I mean is that I am not always aware when things might not be going well and then am shocked to find myself in a hole (a.k.a. depressed state) and/or out of it (a.k.a. psychotic). The past 8... Continue Reading →

An out of it day

Been a while since I've felt out of it yet grounded at the same time. Spending the day seeing things blurring out like reflections off of roads in the rain. And things like logos trying to float off packages.. Trippy! But not in a distressing way to me. Well, I guess it's relative because I'm... Continue Reading →

Trying Happy

I got tired of waiting for my big moment... The day I'd be happy. My mind finally at peace and my paranoia gone. My memory reliable and my motivation revived. I got tired of trying to remember what happy feels like and what caring about dying was. Tired of not grabbing onto the seemingly fleeting... Continue Reading →

On Knowledge & Learning

We only know what we're exposed to. We only know what we grow up being taught and shown. Which means everyone's exposure is different and we cannot know our opinions on things we have not been taught about or seen or experienced. This has been a huge constant lesson for me over the past few... Continue Reading →

Healthy Mind

Health of the mind is quite important and yet for some reason, I think of it as different from my body's health. Growing up I learnt what's good for my body and what isn't but I cannot really recall the same emphasis being made on my mental state. I learnt what the norm is for... Continue Reading →

Being The Best

At some point it became a "fact" that if I can't be the best (or better than most) at something, I'm wasting my time even trying. Forget about simply being able to do it or trying it for the first time. If I am not the best or don't have the potential to be, it's... Continue Reading →

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